You know that moment when you look at the little plastic tray of airline food and you've no idea what it is? And then you eat it and you still don't know what it is? I think this blog might be a bit like that.
Imagine Van Morrison singing Tupelo Honey to you as you read this - he's singing it to me as I write it:
Anyway. Greenland. They say to expect beauty. They say to expect cold - cold more savage than a libertarian's heart. I'm never prepared for either beauty or cold, yet both bite me frequently, even in London: they shouldn't be a problem...
Hmm. I think I may be 'in search of something chance would never bring'. Yeah, I just surprised myself by reading Edward Thomas, despite the rawness of emotions of loss and sadness connected to his stuff at the moment. I give my imaginary God thanks for the friend who helped confirm my love for old ET. And - yes, yes - I need, as He pointed out, to trust myself more.
So. I have excitement and I have hope and I have fear and I have a sensible warm jacket and a kind of agitated acceptance. I have one pair of trousers for a whole month, due to an organisational malfunction caused by free wine and desire. At the airport I was tempted to buy a jaunty hat. I have no idea why.
I'm leaving behind, of course, love and loss and guilt. I'm bringing love and loss and guilt with me. She's worried I'll disappear. In the sudden switchings-off of the adult light I worry that - given time and space - she may see me too clearly. There, you see? That's what I want from The Ungreenland: I want to learn to celebrate my visibility. I want to let the doubts and self-stabbings fade into the ice and stay in blurred childhood where they belong. I want to hug the truth. She sees me already and it's good. Something sweeter and deeper than love.
Full stop. Four hours before we land. The Shetland Islands are 36,000 feet below. The oughtism (I stole that) is disappearing. I'm hurting with greed for those first moments.
Heart's cameras at the ready? They'll be round to collect the plastic tray soon.
Did you know Greenland sharks have been known to live to more than 500 years old?
PS As we drifted out of the clouds just now and the island came into view - vast and white and broken and whole - every single passenger craned his or her neck to kiss a piece of its slow wonder.
#Greenland #Greenlandpioneer #Qaqortoq