Spot The Deliberate Mistake: After Wandering About Wikipedia Too Much At 6 In The Morning On The Bloody Victoria Line. Again.


1. When the Ancient Egyptians buried their dead, they would, as you probably know, put beer and bread in the tomb - Boddington's, apparently, and a sliced granary loaf from Budgens in Thebes High Street (unless the dead man was really important, in which case it would be artisan Gruyere focaccia with rosemary and ginseng imported from Crouch End).

2. When Inuit kill seals, they pour snow into the creatures' mouths so their souls aren't thirsty in the afterlife. Which is considerate of them. And only became a problem recently when vengeful seals started clubbing Inuit to death and pouring their own over-priced craft beer (sourced from a pop-up in Dalston) down their throats.

3. In parts of China, Tibet, North Yorkshire and Mongolia, people are given a 'sky burial', their bodies cut into small pieces and left on a mountainside to await recycling by vultures. Or, if they're unlucky, psychopathic yaks. Or short-sighted lamas. Or short-sighted llamas.

4. Victorians were often buried with bells (or an iPad) to raise the alarm, just in case their relatives had been a bit too eager to get rid of them. Or were displaying that famous Victorian love of sophisticated practical jokes.

5. When I go, I'd quite like a vinyl copy of Bob Marley and the Wailers' 'Live' album buried with me. And a turntable, some decent speakers, an amp and maybe a spare stylus. Oh, and some cheese. And a DVD of any of Ben Elton's West End musical triumphs.